Jason Stringer

I am experiencing new emotions all the time lately.  Strange emotions that seem more real and personal than ever before.  Emotions that I want to somehow capture so I might share them one day.  Somehow translate them to film.

Kerry was having trouble sleeping last night (nothing new), and I was still awake late, buzzing from my editing progress I seem to have completely fucked my body clock (nothing new).

I had to help re-arrange the bed for Kerry.  Her hands are so crippled with arthritis at the moment that she can’t bend her fingers.  It hurts too much.  So she can’t grip the quilt to tuck herself in.  Can’t arrange her pillows.  Can’t hold a glass of water to take pills to relieve the pain (ironically).

Sitting up in bed with her, she asked me beneath her tired, breaking voice to please find her bandage and strap her hand to help decrease movement (and therefore lessen the pain).  I found the bandage and carefully followed her particular instructions for strapping her hand, wrapping the bandage from her wrist, criss-crossing over her palm and fingers.  Everything from positioning to tightness is all-important when doing this.  Comfort is priority.

As I pulled the last of the bandage over her hand, ready to tuck it under and finish the strapping, my hand accidentally connected with her defenceless fingers.  Not hard, but enough to shift them in a way arthritic fingers shouldn’t be shifted.

She yelped a horrendous scream and tried to whack me with her other (less painful) hand.  ‘Don’t touch my fingers!’ she stuttered under scorching pain.  I swear, if she had a gun close by, she would have shot me.  It was an honest accident.  She knew it.  But that didn’t stop the pain.

The yelping sound she made before abusing me was, while very unfortunate, extremely fucking funny.  While she bowed her head and began to sob, depressed and upset with the fact that at 23 she can’t use her own hands, I tried so hard not to wet the bed laughing.  It was one of those unpredictable, uncontrollable natural sounds you make when you get an unexpected scare.  I had never heard such a noise come from her before and I was so tired.  My belly began to jiggle…

Guilt soon swamped my body because I knew there was no holding back.  I was going to laugh.  I had no choice.  Kerry, under tears, realised my situation and let her trembling lips let out a smirk, which choked me up and I became emotional as well.  She rest her tired head on my shoulder and I held her close.  Both sort of crying and sort of laughing.  It was a unique emotion to experience!  We were both so fed up, crying and laughing was all we knew.  So we did it at the same time.

It was an interesting way to end the weekend, and something I will never forget.  Not another word was spoken.

We slept well after that.