Jason Stringer

Crumbling under emotional pressure, my wife collapses in pain and her eyes well up in surrender. This is clearly the breaking point. Curled up on the bed, literally crippled stiff in almost every joint of her body, unable to move on her own, she glares at me with crying eyes. Her trembling lips can only speak in moments between breaths. “You must… be… crazy.” She looks down at her knees, which have swollen to twice their size. Bother of her legs are completely covered in a blistering red butterfly rash. She can’t even point; her hands and fingers have stiffened and doubled over, unable to straighten. “How… can… you… love this?”

I have just carried her from the spa bath to the bed, a task that sounds simple enough on any ordinary day. Romantic, even. But on this night it just happened to be the pinnacle of our collective emotional outpour.

As we made it to the bed and she flopped down as safely as she could, she just couldn’t stand the pain any longer. The constant aching climaxed within her body and her strength gave in. I do my best to keep a brave face and choke on the sadness exploding inside me.

To hear the honesty in someone’s voice when they murmur behind tears “I can’t live in this body anymore” is chilling. It’s REALLY scary. She would never go there. While she may not practice it like I do, she DOES have faith, and I am her strength.

The only thing worse that watching her deteriorate is the empty feeling of hopelessness as her partner. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain she deals with in her body every single day. It pains me every time.

The best I can do is support her in any way I can. Guide her as I know best and make her smile everyday. That gorgeous, huge smile.

Ups and downs, smiles and frowns. We’re better everyday because we know each other. I found my soul mate. Nothing can get in the way of my love for her – especially not an autoimmune disease.

Kerry has Lupus, and this is the beginning stages of another flare-up. Her disease is coming out of remission and will continue to take its toll for some time.

We made it through the night. Now, we must arrange medication, specialists and lifestyle alterations to ensure we can relieve Kerry’s pain as much as possible.